For The Greater Good
by Black-Winged Dancer
Summary: Three men plot to kill their bosses, then attempt to go through with it. Should be rated M for bad lanuage
1. Chapter 1

What's Happened So Far:

Days go by, and their own workplaces continue to become each man's personal nightmare. The hitman they hired to kill their bosses didn't work out the way they wanted, and Dean "Motherfucker" Jones is a waste of time and money. Without anyone left to turn to, they tun to each other and are forced to take matters in their own hands. It starts with breaking and entering...

"What's the plan?" asks Nick, looking around the junky, yet oddly stylish decor around Bobby Pellitt's house.

"We're here," explains Kurt. "To get some intell."

"Intell?" repeats Nick.

"Yeah, it's short for intelligence.

"I know what it stands for."

Kurt gives him an encouraging nod, as if to say, "Good for you."

"Then why did you ask?" says Dale quickly.

They paused awkwardly, each man feeling sheepish.

"Why are we talking about this," Kurt says at last. He gestures with his hands, saying, "Let's split up."

"Right, right..." agrees Nick in a mutter.

"In and out, in and out!" says Dale, holding up his sleeve-gloved hands. "Let's find something good, and then we're in and out of here."

"Stop chatting and start looking," hisses Nick as he walks past.

Kurt wanders off down a hallway while the other two men search the living room.

Quite suddenly, the weight of what they're doing punches Dale in the gut. With an emotional voice, Dale speaks, walking with his head down as he cluelessly looks for clues. "We're committing a crime; this is a crime..." Dale pauses, his eyes drawn to a black ashtray filled with cocaine. "Woah..." he breathes.

Nick glances at Dale, then looks up, frowning slightly. "Hey, Kurt!" he calls out. "Come back in here, we found something."

The smaller man reaches down to pick up the tray.

Nick flings out his hand and slaps Dale's.

"Owh!" yelps Dale, flinching back. "Why'd you do that, man?"

"Look, don't touch." says Nick.

"Wh- I just wanted to see what it was-"

"You know what it is." Nick looks around anxiously, listening.

Dale rubs his nose, sniffing lightly.

"Try not to breathe it in."

"What'd you guys find?" interrupts Kurt as he stomps through the house, one hand swinging with a red object clenched in his fingers.

"Cocaine. What do you have?" Nick asks.

"Bobby's cell phone. You guys have_ got _to see his room- it's like he's trying to convert himself into a Kung-Fu Master or something."

"Is his bed soft?" asks Dale urgently.

"I don't know, I didn't lay on it..." says Kurt.

"N-nevermind..."

"That's a weird question to ask, what's the deal man?" says Nick.

"Well, I just haven't been getting any sleep...cause of Julia." Dale sighs. "I'm kind of in the market for a new mattress."

"Mattress Firm usually has good sales." says Kurt.

"Dude," Nick growls, "you can't shop for a mattress at the house of the guy we're plotting to kill. You have to do that on your own time."

"I dont have any of my own time!" shouts Dale in a high-pitched tone.

The other two step back, startled.

"I get up," Dale begins to count on his fingers, "take a shower, go to work, get sexually harassed at the work place- and now, instead of going home to my future-wife, I get to play cops and robbers! So where can I find any time to go anywhere, huh?"

Nick holds up his hands. "Enough." He sticks his hand out to Kurt. "Let me see the phone."

Kurt tosses Bobby's phone, and Nick clicks it on and begins thumbing through it. "...it has everything on here. Even his schedule."

"Great, that's terrific..." Dale claps his hands together. "We can we please go now?"

"We got what we need," agrees Kurt. "We can figure out what to do next on our way to Harken's."


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, how long were we in there?" asks Nick once they are all in the car.

"I'd say roughly 5 minutes." answers Kurt.

"Hm. Not bad."

"So when's Bobby's deathday going to be?" asks Dale, leaning up from the back seat of the Prius as they drive down the dark, moon-lit street.

Nick squints his eyes at the bright back-light of the stolen phone in his hand. "Well..." he says slowly. "According to this, he is off early tomorrow, then he goes to some chick named Monika's house."

Dale grins, laughing lightly. "That's perfect!" he says. "All we need to do is do a little detective work with Harken and Julia, then we can...You know... Finish what we've started."

"I already have one idea on how to kill Bobby..." says Nick, scratching his chin.

"Yeah? What's that?" asks the younger man.

"Rat poison."

"Ah haa- nice!" says Kurt with a smile.

"Man, this shit is _easy!" _chimes Dale.

They chortle all the way to Harken's house, then shush each other like children until the car is turned off and the headlights blink out.

"All right, we good?" says Kurt, unbuckling.

"We good." answers Nick, already getting out of the car.

Bobbing his head excitedly, Dale clambers out of the backseat and begins hopping on his toes on the sidewalk. "In and out?" he asks. "Just like last time?"

"Just like last time." agrees Kurt.

"With our luck, we may even be able to get done faster." adds Dale matter-of-factly.

Kurt purses his lips in thought. "We got lucky, Dale. We need to be thorough about this."

But then Nick holds up a hand. "Wait... I think we may need to have a look out."

"A look out?" repeats Kurt.

"Why would we need a look out?" asks Dale. "We know what we're doing. We got this, man!"

"This is Harken we're talking about..." says Nick with an unpleasant expression. "We don't know where the fuck he is right now, and... That scares me."

Dale shrugs. "We didn't know where that Bobby guy was-"

"Actually, I did." interrupts Kurt. "He usually goes to some Russian lady's motel room and buys more coke from her. So we were in the clear."

"How would you come to know that information?" mumbles Dale.

Nick rubs his nose anxiously. "Yeah, and now we're in the dark. I would just really really feel much better about this if someone stayed_ behind _in the car. Please."

Dale nods, his tone sympathetic. "All right, man. All right. I'll do it."

Nick claps him on the back, saying, "Thanks buddy," before running off towards the house.

"Oh, uhh- honk if you see anyone!" shouts Kurt over his shoulder, chasing after the other man.

Dale stands there, then raises up two fingers. "Uhh... Twice?" he asks loudly, hoping they would hear. But neither of them do, so the little man goes back into the car.

They jog around the bushes of the man's yard, then trot their way up the sidewalk to the man's front porch. Like children, they rush to separate windows and begin pressing their faces against it, peering.

"I don't think anyone's in there." says Kurt.

"I definitely think no one's home." agrees Nick.

"Could we crawl through a window...?"

The other man steps back, tilting his head. "No windows seem to be open." he observes quietly. He glances down and sees a rock. "Or better yet..." he bends down and pick it up with a smug expression. He tosses it to Kurt, saying, "This seems easier, huh?"

Kurt points at Nick, grinning. "I like the way you think." He throws back one arm, clenching the rock tighter. "Move!"

"No, don't throw-!" he ducks as the rock is hurtled straight towards him. It beats into the glass, then falls harmlessly to the floor. The sound of something metal twangs against the porch step.

"Holy shit... I broke a rock!" Kurt exclaims with wide eyes.

"Please tell me you realize that was a key," Nick says, bending over and picking it up. The other man mutter something, but Nick ignores him and unlocks the door. They walk inside on their tip-toes, looking around in the very dark, very cramped house. Pictures and sculptures of one common thing is the first thing their eyes adjust to: Cats, cats, cat... Breathing lightly, the two men pass through the entryway, the living room, then the kitchen, before turning down a hallway.

Kurt notices a dim-lit lamp on an end-table and touches it, tilting the shade to look at the bulb.

"What the fuck are you doing...?" asks Nick.

"They really shouldn't keep their lights on... Wastes electricity."

"It's probably a fluoresent bulb," Nick says, his interest catching on. "He's rich enough to have those." He walks over and looks down into the lamp. "Yeah, see?" He points and curves his finger around in the air. "If the bulb is spiraled like that, it means it's fluorescent. Saves energy."

"Hm." Kurt looks away and continues walking.

"I actually have a couple of those in the attic-" says Nick conversationally.

Just then, a shrieking cat launches itself from an unseen bookshelf and lands on Nick shoulder before darting off down another hall.

_"God!"_ pants Nick with a distressed face.

"It's just a cat." assures Kurt softly.

"Out of nowhere!"

"I'm going to go check upstairs." says Kurt, pointing.

"Yeah," Nick follows. "I want to see how my horrible boss sleeps at night."

Kurt smirks. "Who_ sleeps _at night anymore?"

They say nothing for awhile, dragging their feet down hallway after hallway, each one covered in cat pictures.

Screaming at the top of it's lungs, a living cat throws itself across the hallway and vanishes down a corner.

"Oh!" yelps Kurt, jumping back, then he realizes what it was. "Goddamnit!" he exclaims, annoyed. "Jesus, how many cats do they _have_?"

"Just the one, I think." says Nick.

"_Really?_ Quick little bugger, huh..?" He sees a wedding photo on a table and bends down, lustfully eying the woman. "_Heeey-" _he purrs. Then he interrupts himself. "Shit, is that Harken's _wife_?"

"Hey. _Do not _think like that. You can't steal my boss's wife after we've murdered him- how could you live with that?"

"Mm..." says Kurt with a smile. "Tell you what, I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty-states!"

"...you're not making any sense. Come on- let's finish the recon." He turns and goes over to a random door and opens it. "Bingo- bedroom!"

Kurt pushes by. "So this is where the _looove _happens."

Nick watches him, giving him an odd look. "Why do you always have to say that kind of stuff around me?"

Kurt ignores him and waltzes over to the bed. He fingers the label poking on the end of the mattress.

"Forget about Dale- we need to find something useful; a day-planner, phone contacts, movie-ticket stubs- _something_!"

Kurt shoves his hand under the mattress, then pulls out a dark brown book. "What about Harken's diary?"

"That could work."


	3. Chapter 3

Meanwhile, back in the car, Dale entertains himself by playing a series of games on his Ipod 4G: He shoots for the stars with his blue dinosaur character in Mega-Jump, gets all the way to Tokyo City in Graffiti Ball, and manages to get a new high-score when he crashes a fat red bird into a bunch of ugly green pigs hiding under plywood in Angry Birds.

He chuckles proudly and taps in his name to save his score, then takes a final bite out of his peanut-butter sandwich and tosses the sticky plastic baggy out of the window. Dale resumes playing as he swallows the cold, gummy sandwich.

Slowing his pace from a brisk jog to a deliberate halt, Harken himself stops at the side of the Prius, his head pointed down as he glares in growing hatred at the garbage onhis street, then snatches it up and points it to the driver. "Hey shmuck-face!" he barks, and the little man flinches before giving him his full attention. Harken steps closer and leans against the car.

"Mind telling me what you're doing," he asks in a low, calm voice, "littering on _my street.._?"

"I think what happened-" Dale clears his throat loudly, stalling. He raises his hands in demonstratation, saying, "Was that the wind blew it out of my hands?"

"I don't care if the wind blew it out of your twat, now why dont you take this piece of shit car, and get off my fucking lot."

"I don't know why you're mad at the _car_, but I don't think we should get hostile right now."

"Hostile!" repeats Harkins. "You wanna see hostile? How about I go into my house," he nods to the house Nick and Kurt are in. "and get my- huurrgh!" he backs away, putting a hand to his chest.

"What's going on with you?" asks Dale, annoyed.

Harkens takes a few ragged gasps. "Penis..!" he chokes out before falling backwards onto the road.

Screwing up his face, Dale mutters in confusion, "Penis...?" Then it clicks. "Oh- _peanuts!_" He gets out of the car and looks down at the man urgently. "That was a peanut-butter sandwich," reports Dale loudly. "Are you not good with peanuts?"

The older man begins jerking a finger down towards his pants' leg.

"What you pointing at?" demands Dale. But then he sees the familiar shape of a wallet bulging from inside one of his pockets. He leans down and calmly removes the wallet and checks it. "Dave Harken..." he reads. "This is you?"

Harken gags weakly, still thrusting his pointing finger to the epidermal pin attached to his leg.

_"Puh-please..." _Harken wheezes, as if that final word would soften his murderer's heart.

Dale shrugs emotionlessly. "Sorry dude," he says. "But you make my friend's life a living hell. And let's face it; with such a dark impact you have on other people's lives, you're better off dead." He squats down and picks up the plastic bag, saying, "I'm never going to live with myself after this." He stands up and frowns down at the dying man. "Way to go, asshole." Then Dale walks back to the car, gets in, and starts it.

Harkens grunts and gasps, twitching, his face puffing up slightly.

"Eew," Dale grimaces and pulls out of the street before stopping the car in front of the house. He honks the horn twice- two quick taps, then drives on down the road until he's several houses away. He jerks the car into park, and turns it back off.

Waiting, Dale starts to feel very heavy; his head feels thick, his arms weighing down his shoulders. He bites his lip in guilt as it starts to quiver. But he can't stop his eyes from dripping out tears. Shaking his head, Dale clenches his wet face and sobs.

"Did Dale just honk?" asks Nick feverishly, running to the nearest window.

"Yeah," Kurt leans into another window, searching. "The car's not there- wait, what the fuck!"

"What is it?" Nick bolts over and looks out, seeing his dead boss laying on the road. "Did Dale do that? This was supposed to be the recon stage!"

A pair of bright lights wash over his corpse. Kurt taps Nick repeatedly, "Car, car, car!"

"Okay!" snaps Nick, turning and running out of the room with Kurt at his heels. Nick changes his mind and grabs Kurt's arm. "Wait-" he shoves the diary into his chest, "Put this back where you found it!"

"No sense in keeping a dead man's journal." says Kurt with a grin as he tosses the notebook back under the mattress.

"Come on!" Nick whispers fiercely, running out of the room.

"I really didn't think Dale had it in him!" pants Kurt as he thumps down the staircase.

"He wasn't _supposed to _have it in him until we were all ready!" growls Nick. They jerk open the front door and throw themselves over the bushes before sprinting down the sidewalk. They run a long ways until they spot the Prius waiting for them in a stranger's empty driveway.

"How do you think he did it?" asks Kurt, automatically slowing to a walk.

"I don't know, but he did it. And there could have been witnesses."

"And Dale may have left some kind of evidence at the scene of the crime."

"But if all went well-"

"Then we're free to commit another murder. We just got to punish the runt first."

"Spare the rod, spoil the child." agrees Nick.


	4. Chapter 4

Dale recovered quicker than most normal men would after committing a serious crime; by the time Nick and Kurt reached him, Dale was righter than rain- almost.

He unlocks the doors when he sees them approaching from the side-mirrors. He tries to smile to himself in the mirror, but it looks funny. Sighing, he forces himself to relax and begins to take deep, calming breaths.

Kurt taps on the window, saying, "Get out. I'm driving."

"What? Why? Did I scratch the paint?"

"Just get the fuck out, Dale."

Nick nods. "Get out of the car." he echoes more subtly.

Dale clambers out and Kurt squeezes in while Nick gets in the passenger seat. Dale gets in the back and buckles up, saying, "Did you guys see what I did back there?"

"So you_ did _kill Harken?"

"Yeah, of course... Who else?"

"How did you do it?" asks Kurt.

"He was... Having an allergic reaction to some peanuts and ... I could have saved him... But..." Dale looks away, his eyes bright with tears that refuse to fall.

"Wait, are you _crying _over him?" snorts Kurt.

"...You did the right thing." Nick says assuringly. Dale looks up at him. "You did something I could never do, no matter how many times I fantasized about it. Thank you, Dale."

Kurt twists around in his chair and throws out his hand. "High five, fucker!"

"Y-you guys aren't mad at me?" Dale asks weakly.

"Thought I was goning to be," replies Nick. "But it's better this way."

"I'm cool with it." says Kurt. "So what if we're ahead of schedale?" He waves his waiting hand.

Dale grins and slaps Kurt's hand, saying, "Okay then! What's next?"

Kurt flips back the sunroof and looks up at the sky. "It almost midnight, so we should probably all go home, get some rest, and gather the dirt from Julia and kill Bobby tomorrow."

"Why did you push the sunroof open?" asks Nick.

Kurt looks at them. "I was seeing what time it was."

"You can't tell by looking at the moon."

"Hey, I got it-" Dale looks at the watch on his wrist. "It's... 9:11pm."

"Oooh, creepy." mutters Nick.

"I was close." Kurt shrugs.

"Just get us home, dumbass." Nick tells him.

Once morning rolls around, each man leaves their house just as the sun comes out and car-pools into Nick's Prius. Dale makes a very short grocery list while Kurt plays with Bobby's phone, checking out the exact time they should be heading over.

"So what was your excuse for skipping work, Dale?" asks Kurt, styling himself in a black shirt and tan pants.

"Oh, Julia gave me the day off to "plan for our date." Stupid fucking bitch..."

"What about Stacy?" wonders Nick aloud, rubbing the neck of his neck sweater.

"I bought her an all-day pass at the Spa. Let her enjoy herself before she finds out what I am..."

"I just wasn't going to _go_ to work." says Kurt.

Nick lets out a sigh. "Well, apparently, my boss didn't show up to the office, so I was called and told not to come."

"Huh. That's weird..." says Kurt.

"Mhm..." Nick smiles.

"Here's what I got on the list so far: Rat poison-..." Dale looks up. "That's it."

"Do we need anything else?" Kurt asks Nick.

"Not that I can think of..." replies Nick. He pulls into the parkinglot of the store and they all clamber out and stand there, their eyes tightening against the sunlight.

"So after this, what do we do next?" Dale says, his open polo shirt fluttering in the wind, exposing his light blue shirt.

"Both of our bosses will be at work," states Kurt. "We already know how to break in, so I can plant cocaine in Bobby's house, while you two slink around in Julia's and find away to get rid of her."

"Keep your voices down- we need to get the goods first." says Nick abruptly.

"Got it." Kurt and Dale say in union.

Once inside, the men disperse and search for the correct aisle to find rodent control products. Nick finds it and picks up two different white-powedered brands, checks the boxes, and winds up selecting Rat-Attack rather than Rat-Out. He wanders aimlessly looking for his friends until he finds Dale in the toy section, squeezing his thumbs into a ugly, colorful bear-like doll.

The doll opens its lip and sings: _"Laaaaa!"_

Dale chuckles loudly, and squeezes it again. _"Faaaaa!"_

Nick throws a hand out irritably."What the fuck are you doing..."

"Dude!" Dale runs over excitedly, holding the doll up to Nick's face. "Check this out!" He presses the tummy of the doll and holds it.

The toy's mouth opens. _"!"_

"Stop it." Nick beats the toy out of his face with the back of his hand. "Put the Sing-a-Ma-Jig back."

"You _know_ these things?" Dale grins. "I've never seen one in my life!" He gazes at it in awe. "It's so freaking cool..."

"Maybe Santa will buy it for you for Christmas- okay? Now come on. We still need to find Kurt."

Dale follows, tossing the ugly bear thing on a shelf full of spotted piggy banks. "What's the rush?"

"Do you want Julia dead or not?" demands Nick.

"Well...yeah..."

"Sooner the better, right?"

His face grim, Dale nods. "But we don't know how to kill her."

"We'll figure it out, buddy." Nick pats him affectionately on the back. "We'll help you get your life back."

They find Kurt fooling around in the spots section, picking up a pair of binoculars and holding them to his face. Following his general direction, Dale and Nick see Kurt's target: A good-looking homosexual.

"Dude..." breathes Dale in shock.

They quickly grab their seemingly bi-curious friend and pay for the Rat Attack, then leave the store, Nick wagging the plastic bag as they march down the parkinglot and towards the car.


End file.
